Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A Misadventure in Going Green

Being its a lovely January day
decide to go green...
just my bike, a back pack and sunshine
just six places to go...easy,
its a small town after all,
a small town built on a hill
with straight downs...whee!!!
And then straight Ups
not just a slight incline
but a real challenge.
But its green and its exercise,
I tell myself!
it becomes a game,
which is typical...
a race against the clock
how fast can this be accomplished
one hour, two?
On your mark, get set... go!!

Its smooth sailing by the time I reach
my last stop, K mart, it's only been an hour
Confident it can still be done under two,
Happily, tell the clerk, "no bag"
have my "going green back pack,"
I say cheerily...
and confidently, heavy things are purchased
because, I also just bought
a "going green bike basket"
I AM...good to go...!

In the parking lot,
I discovered my new
"going green bike basket"
requires on screw driver
and an Alan wrench
to attach it to the handle bars.

This is NOT so good!

Wait, I will tie it to my handle bars with....
...my shoe laces, good
yes, that will work...aren't I clever?
hmmm...makes that shoe kind
of loose and floppy but...

So heavy things will go into the backpack,
no problem...
oh look, the zipper came undone,
not just the 'sure thing zipper
and but the "just in case" zipper also,
now I have a flapping, droopy,
unzippering collection of material
trying to unsuccessfully hold
a bunch of heavy things
and it's NOT going to...!

I wish I had a plastic bag!

Starting to feel a little undone,
and unzipped...as well,
with traffic everywhere
it is a long-walk-semi-ride home uphill!
cell phone left behind...
kind of want to cry now,
knowing it will be funny later...
then I remember
a friend telling me,
"If its funny later, it's funny now!"
Okay, this might be kind of funny!

Thinking I might look a little homeless
with all this stuff and not put together well,
a baseball hat comes in handy
to be incognito...
but since it has my name on it in big letters
probably, not so much!

I start to flap shuffle my way uphill,
discovering I can ride a little
IF I clutch the heavy back pack
closed with one hand...
that is until the shoe lace
stretches out too much
and the basket begins
to rub on the front tire,
creating a brake affect
everything becomes a melody
of flap..scrape..shuffle
and grind...

Walking now and slowly,
then leaning down for some reason,
and my neck bandanna
catches on the handlebar
yikes ...choking...falling...
dropping the bike
and there I am a tangled mess
of bike and basket,
(my stupid) "going green
unzipping backpack", carpet cleaner,
boat stabilizer, audio books, hair spray
and other various personal products,
right there all tumbled
and sprawling
on main street
and somewhere in all this
I decide the shorts I am wearing
are really unflattering
and... Yes, I have a hat with my name on it.


Three hours later
with scrapes and scratches,
smudged in bike grease,
a numb left arm, a bike basket
rubbed 'unblack' on the bottom,
my lace less shoe left at the end
of the driveway
and I am thinking...from now on?

...screw green!

Pam Piper Rain


linda said...

Hi Pam, sorry about your misadventures in going green, but your story was hilarious,you can't make stuff up thats this funny..

Creager Studios said...

Oh Dear Pam...what a day you had...but on the upside you realized that later on, when all was said and done...you were going to laugh...so that had to make it all easier...
Green CAN be Mean!!!!!