Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Never been invited to my house?
And wondered why?

I used to LOVE my house
and then I didn't!
For a really long long time.
Relationships, depression,
socializing too much, playing on the lake...
seemed I was always running
away from home!
Just didn't want to be here!
Day after day looking around
I couldn't see its beauty
only what I had let GO
...for far too long,
only what needed trimming, repair,
paint, patching, replacing
So overwhelmed
all I could do was stare emptily
at my surroundings
and wonder where to start?

Would have still been wondering
if it hadn't been for some
delightful interventions,
(so to speak.)

A paddling friend drops me off
after trying out our boards
insists to see inside...hmmm?
Since she is rather shy, this is big...
she had seen a pic of my renovated studio
and doesn't appear as if she
was going to take no as an answer
(like those before her had.)
So, I acquiesced and
she is charmed...beyond charmed?
And I am beyond surprised.
When she leaves after long witty insightful
I am invigorated all at once,
realizing it has been a year and a half
since anyone has sat with me here,
(actually since Jennifer's
last visit!)

I begin to see my surroundings differently
and began to embrace
or shall we say re-embrace my space.
I put the claim flag in the ground
and say "okay, this is mine."

My home is old, shabby in ways,
not modern, more "track home-ish"
and certainly not formal
more like an adult play house,
like the ones I built in the woods at ten
only difference?...
This ones not free,
or built with bent nails
my grandfather gave me,
no big gaps of lght in the walls
and there is a street rather
than a path and of course the bills and...
but other than that?
It may be a step up from "a fort!"
When someone commented it
was like Pee Wee's Hermans house
I really, wasn't SURE it
was a compliment.
But what if it is...what if IT
is a extension of who I am?
(not Pee Wee but unconventional creative,
more silly then serious?)
Shouldn't it be?
Isn't that the best part of growing up?
We get to do whatever we want
and we get to watch how our childselves
find our
adult selves and stand back
and watch them play together
sometimes just for the fun of it all?

Another new friend,
who had read and bought everything
I'd written before being friends,
said she wanted to see my backyard cause I
had formally stated
(years ago) it was
"my greatest masterpiece"
I cringed...well not so much anymore.
Intended to be a place for poets,
woman gathering to write and be wild
get naked (well, not really, I have neighbors...)
but in manner of speaking...
but the only wild things happening here now
is all the stuff I over planted going wild
like an animated jungle out of control.
My idea of "woods" in the desert!

And then came the Facebook request for
a client/friend to bring by an out of town friend
Are you kidding me?
I allowed it and then actually
encouraged it.
We had a lovely visit and they left with
ideas of their own for her
smaller "new beginnings" space.
We were all inspired!
I was over the hump and
looking around at the possibilities.

So with renewed " attitude for
my humble abode"
I plan to explore how this may be
a better, happier
reflection of me!
And see where a little love
and attention and a lot of work

And a week of nothing necessary
on my schedule
it was "operation embrace the space"
and instead of Pee Wee Herman playhouse
I decided to think
Alice in Wonderland...instead.
Well, Alice meets Dr Seuss and Van Gogh
on the way to the Safari Circus,
it seems!

With money kind of tight and
the equity line tapped...
going to have to be very very creative...
fix what I might have thrown away before,
and see what I can find for free!

Always thought Havasu should
have a home tour of artist studios,
and maybe this is how it begins?

Gotta run, have lots to do
look for your invite in the mail...!
Cause everyones coming for a swing,
poetry readings or a walk thru
the Labryinth!

Stay tuned for the new developments!

Pam Piper Rain