Seems there was a month
a bad one and a good one!
this year...the one
I have officially titled
"My Terrible Wonderful Year"
(possibly the name of the memoir
I will be writing or Treading Water.)
The year, being April to April.
when, I was seemingly,
spinning out of control
in reckless grief...and more broken
than I could ever imagine being!
(more about this in April.)
Recognizing that when things
begin to crumble,
and the sand is washed out
from under our feet
THAT wobblyness...is an opportunity
to reach out...
not for anyone to save you
but to grasp our own strength,
our own center...and center ourselves!
It begins with outreached hands,
for the possible,
for the new, the unexpected,
for the small flighted surprises,
to make their landing in our palms,
to see all the invisible orange ladders
waiting for us,
and the invitations to be answered
with a Yes, WHY NOT?
My life in a mirror does not resemble
the disaster I was last April,
Despite the hard work, personal inventory
and heart breaking losses
that were required to get to this
place of wonder and celebratory joy,
it seems seeds were also planted,
while not recognizing it.
Tracing their trail back to October
where four seemingly significant events
became the blooms of flowering
dreams I didn't know I had .
These are those seeds!
My love/hate relationship with it
solidified into love when it turned up
an old HS classmate, Marjorie McKeever
(hope, it's okay I mention your name M?)
Never having spoken word one back
in the seventies,
we became fast and best friends,
drastically altering one another's paths
(yes, thru the Internet,
she has her own amazing story to tell
One way for me,
was when she saw a posted pic
of my lame attempts to
hula hoop one night at a party
a longtime Hooper herself,
she suggested Hoopnotica
I ordered one, and fell in love
then proceeded to buy them
for all my friends.
These are not your dime store
they are weighted for balance
and a great work out!
Before leaving for Santa Fe that month,
my paddle gals and I had
a Stand Up Paddle Board demo lesson
from John Burns of SUP Kulture.
It was an instant connection,
loved the guy, loved the sport!
While I worked and sold in SF,
an ad ran locally,
a call for unprofessional dancers
to learn the Thriller dance,
before my friend finished reading it to me
I was saying "absolutely, lets do it"
But learning it was another story,
"too hard, I suck!"
but the instructor, Marlo said
"stay, enjoy!" And I did.
(That meeting led to
discovering pilates and yoga.
Learning to breathe, bend and balance
which ignited my level of creativity,
into a firestorm of words and ideas
and nonstop energy!)
Outside of Santa Fe lies
the wondrous Taos,
Wanting to love it,
I didn't really but accidentally landed at
Mabel Dodge Luhan House
an historic place of gathering
artists and writers,
feeling their cumulative energy
and there was a labyrinth!
Where an important question
was asked and has been answered
by these last months of beginnings!
Four months later,
I am a small part of a 'dance studio?'
(Which makes me laugh!)
And the opportunity to collaborate
who knows how to live large
and inspires me
to believe in the possiblity of wild dreams.
As well as offering a place to do just that.
So I have promised myself to
become a Certified Hoop Dance
instructor thru Hoopnotica,
during the following year!
(my friends laugh when I say this
but I say, Watch!)
Its a way I can actually dance!
Seems my lack of talent is hidden
by this spinning apparatus!
Meanwhile, I purchased a paddle board
and hope to learn to hoop dance on it
as well and may be even race?
(and...John and Marlo, will be
doing paddle Board Pilates together,
And he and I, have plans to create
a "Paddle Wild" foundation for Cancer,
in honor of Jennifer and his father!
Open doors thru new connections...
Soon, I hope to return
to Mabel Dodge Lodge
for a writing workshop
from my favorite writer Natalie Goldberg
who just happens teach there!
And in my back yard next to
the hoop dance floor
will be a labyrinth...
it a full circle!
All these connected strings of beginnings,
friendships and possibilities,
started in October,
simply, by confirming a FB friend,
answering an ad, trying a new sport
and other things I couldn't do well,
and ending up somewhere unplanned!
My friend Marjorie calls it
SD for short!
Synchronistic destiny, indeed!
So are you paying attention?
They may be happening to you as well!
Watch for the invitations, the ladders
and landings of flighted surprises.
My wobblyness now?
Only shows up
on the dance floor,
the paddle board, pilates
and inside of a hula hoop!
And I am good with that!
To all who were a part
of this adventure,
and this 'terrible wonderful' year,
those who held my hand
and those who let go...
(you know who you are.)
Happy to report,
I am still spinning
but now...with explosive joy!
Pam Piper Rain