To Begin Again

It's been almost a year
since I have typed a single word on this page.
Having circled it again and again,
unable to even read my former posts.
Wishing tho, I had completed part two,
of 'The School Of Seuss',
(it contained some pretty witty stuff.)

Because this time last year,
a different life was in motion.
Dreams realized and beginning,
creatively on fire, every door 
in my house, papered to capture the flow,
great fame and fortune attracted and promised.
And one point, I knew had it all,
even said it outloud
I was being paid to illustrate a children's book,
And? I was in love!
Life couldn't have been any richer.

But what followed was a year of great grief and
occurrences that broke me in ways
I have never known or could have anticipated.

Creativity had always been my souls language,
the written word the air I breathe,
constant and without cease, the flow endless.
Even as a kid with band aid covered knees,
to the insecure teenager with a blemished face,
the natural desire to write in prose,
guided me through any dark night
that threatened to yank me
from my spiritual self.
It was the Voice that called my name,
infused me with wisdom and purpose.
My trust in it was without question...
my relationship consistent and loyal,
 I had never known a time without it,
...ever!

But this ability suddenly left me.
With the arrival of an email, 
one day last May.
An email that cancelled out nine months of labor,
a contracted storybook of rhymes.
Suddenly, the pink poetic rabbit gone,
the book unfinished, contract breached,
a public promotional campaign
ceased embarrassingly and without conclusion
and the unresolved absence 
of the one 'someone' loved.
All whipped away at once,
in a dark gray summer wind.
With them, went all my words as well.
A kind of debilitating fever
of anxiety prevailed.
And I was financially, emotionally, spiritually
and creatively bankrupt.

That was six months ago,
I am less so.

Journeys' have surprises, twists and turns
we don't even see coming.
The loss of one thing becomes the birth of another,
and as human spirits we learn to begin
and begin and begin.
We trust and trust some more,
despite the contradicting evidence.
Cause that one path traveled may morph into a
a yellow brick road that has a destination
you never considered exploring,
a place you can't remember even wanting to go,
complete with little 'munchins' to lead the way
and a band of fellow travelers
to cheer you along.

Don't get me wrong,
I haven't exactly found my way to OZ
or back home yet....
but this is a beginning and I need to begin.
So why not here?
Cause I have a story to tell
and in the past?
My words couldn't resist being apart
 of a good story!

Granted, it doesn't feel like the "old" magic 
has returned yet,
the words still stiff and formal from their slumber
but we are getting reacquainted again
and trying to figure out WHO,
really, abandoned who?

Pam Reinke -Piper Rain