Monday, June 22, 2009

Swimming Lessons

Look, I want to love this world as though its the last chance I'm ever going 
to be alive and I know it! 
Mary Oliver

What to do with a day when you wake up 
and don't want to?
when your first thoughts are about the 
thing you lost... 
or are near to losing, all that you will 
inevitably struggle with today
And your second thought? Is the 
usual uncomfortable "I hate my life."
And the only thing that launches you 
from your bed
into the too bright of day are the cats, 
thought to be the perfect pets
for their independent reputation and 
are now the reflection of your own 
extreme neediness
and all three (yes three) 
take turns incessantly licking 
any exposed body part. Ugh!

Then comes the mental litany of all 
the things you wish were different, 
the multitude of poor choices that turned 
into mistakes, 
that changed everything in a single 
irreversible flash.
Wanting someone, anyone to save you, 
but with no life raft in sight...
and an inability to swim or keep 
your head up...
Recognizing this is the swimming lessons 
for your soul?
So what will you do next?

First you will pray to God or angels 
or anyone's spirit 
you believe in for your ability to breathe,
then you will exercise to music and drop 
the one sided 
"without conclusion" conversations with "them."
Then seek out impossible beauty and witness 
nothing but maybe 
the ground you are standing on
the grains of pebbles or sheaths of grass 
poking thru your shiney healthy toes.

In my case, it is the endless outstretch 
of desert, 
that to the poet is not just lifeless brown 
but an array of shades in sienna 
and burnt umber,
the wild and beautiful, with unseen life
And maybe that is all that matters for now 
(that and the happy well exercised 
angel of a dog 
sitting beside me who likes swimming 
less than I do!)

So this is THIS minute
the next...determinded by the mental discipline 
to continue to stand, to continue to breathe 
and to pray, to move thru the minutes
believing this "too shall pass" 
and surrender to the many 
things of grace occurring 
even if its in the disguise of 
"licking cats."


Indigo Flameworks said...

Wow...I love that!! Especially the part about the endless stretches of desert, and that which is unseen. So true...about life -- that part which is unseen, is often the most significant.

Love you glad to see your blog. Kelly

Anonymous said...

What a fantastic start! I'm so proud you finally started! Yes put little updates everywhere especially progress on your book... make them WANT the book before it even comes out.

Next start a Twitter account... Its micro blogging only 140 characters so quick! You can have your twitter update Facebook automatically.

I will follow you!


sheila said...

Yeah, Pam! Dogs as Angels - I have one of those! I've always known he has wings hidden underneath his fur.
I'm so happy you're "hanging it out there" with a blog. Sharing your artistic gift makes our wonderful World a happier place!

Creager Studios said...

Well Stated Pam...relatable for so many...including myself. Words are the healers...whether we say them outloud or keep them in our own minds... I have always looked at each word that we think or say as stepping stones ...with each layed before us we progress forward...they always keep us moving forward...wherever we roam...
I am so happy your blog is up and running...looks great!! Remember I am always here to help where I can...


Cinthia said...

Ordinary Days and then One not so ordinary
Always comes around
to start a new life
a new marriage
a new classroom of students

Fragmented but unrelenting
Driven despite the fears to make good in
a new place
With tenacity and passion I commit audaciously

I hope
For a chance
I risk
For the one
I embrace the new day

Willfully scrapping off the chaff
Wise to the wreck that I am
I reach into time and
Make the most of an ordinary day
That for the moment becomes not so ordinary
Because I can.

6/13/09 Cinthia