Look, I want to love this world as though its the last chance I'm ever going
to be alive and I know it!
What to do with a day when you wake up
and don't want to?
when your first thoughts are about the
thing you lost...
or are near to losing, all that you will
inevitably struggle with today
And your second thought? Is the
usual uncomfortable "I hate my life."
And the only thing that launches you
from your bed
into the too bright of day are the cats,
thought to be the perfect pets
for their independent reputation and
are now the reflection of your own
and all three (yes three)
take turns incessantly licking
any exposed body part. Ugh!
Then comes the mental litany of all
the things you wish were different,
the multitude of poor choices that turned
that changed everything in a single
Wanting someone, anyone to save you,
but with no life raft in sight...
and an inability to swim or keep
your head up...
Recognizing this is the swimming lessons
for your soul?
So what will you do next?
First you will pray to God or angels
or anyone's spirit
you believe in for your ability to breathe,
then you will exercise to music and drop
the one sided
"without conclusion" conversations with "them."
Then seek out impossible beauty and witness
nothing but maybe
the ground you are standing on
the grains of pebbles or sheaths of grass
poking thru your shiney healthy toes.
In my case, it is the endless outstretch
that to the poet is not just lifeless brown
but an array of shades in sienna
and burnt umber,
the wild and beautiful, with unseen life
And maybe that is all that matters for now
(that and the happy well exercised
angel of a dog
sitting beside me who likes swimming
less than I do!)
So this is THIS minute
the next...determinded by the mental discipline
to continue to stand, to continue to breathe
and to pray, to move thru the minutes
believing this "too shall pass"
and surrender to the many
things of grace occurring
even if its in the disguise of